Friday, March 25, 2011

Shopping With Goats

I hijacked this from the "11 Step Program Before Having Kids" email that you may have seen before. If you haven't and you have children (or are even considering it), you totally need to find it. It's hysterical and yet, so true.

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

So I shop regularly with the equivalent of 4 full-grown goats (well, 3 and a half) and my friend Chelle asked me to tell how I managed to do it and it not all turn out completely baaaad. Oh, come on! It's a goat joke!

(photo credit Tracey Brown)

I've said before that I do major grocery shopping bi-monthly and we have 4 kids (goat joke not intended, but still funny). I also shop weekly sales either after school or on the weekends, often with the goats in tow. So how do I do it and 1) stay in budget and 2) not completely lose my mind?

Here's my strategy. Call it bribery, but I'm not above it.
  • Know that your trip with your little precious will take a little longer, because of that, start early. On days when we are out of school, I will often leave shortly after breakfast, because I want to be finished by lunch or shortly thereafter.
  • I reward good behavior with treats. If the stops go well, we will eat lunch out (and they are told that up front). Granted, our eating out escapade is often done in the car and with coupons. I'm that weirdo mom who is slightly freaked out by fast food playgrounds-- especially after the times where my kids have said they've seen dookie at the top of a slide in a removed dirty diaper (ewww!) or when the clean-up crew is cleaning up throw-up, while we're there. Not to mention, I have more shopping to do and really don't want to be out for longer than 3 hours.
  • Our last stop is usually Walmart, where I'll also sometimes reward good behavior with "pink milk" (a $0.50 plastic jug of milk, that even my boys think is just about the coolest thing-- not sure why) or a box of donuts from the day old rack. That reminds me, I really need to discuss day old bread at some point... mental note made.
  • Because we stock up, when things are on sale, we often have more snacks and things at home. I'm not above stashing something in my purse/diaper bag for an "in case of emergency, break glass" scenario (and it's not necessarily always for the goats). :)
  • My kids know that if something is 1) not on sale and/or 2) if I don't have a coupon, I'm not buying it. Period. However, being the tender, loving mom I am (har har), instead of squashing their idea on the spot, I say things like, "not today, sweetie". It oozes kindness, right? In all seriousness, I make sure to point out if it's not on sale and since the twins are getting older, if I do decide to get it, I have them do quick math to figure out how much we'll save if we get it with a coupon. A bonus to this is it teaches them patience, not immediate self-gratification. Most things will go on sale (or clearance) at some point and if you have a coupon, it stretches your dollars even farther. :)
  • I try to plan time in the afternoon (on days we do all the shopping on the same day) to either do something fun or give them a free afternoon to do whatever they want.
Now, does it always go the way I intend? Nope, but I'm successful most days. Once, when I was shopping and the twins were about 2, I saw a lady with triplet girls in the store. Her girls were angelic and I never heard a peep out of them on any aisle. My boys, on the other hand, sounded like we were having a rasslin' (read: wrestling) match with the produce, and the carrots were winning! At the register, I asked her how she did it. She pulled out a box of Teddy Grahams and said, "I bring these and they eat them the entire time we're in the store". So, whatever works, if you have to take your kids (or goats) to the store with you, just know that it doesn't have to be all baaaad. :)

3 comments:

  1. I have one that cries and whines if her brother gets on the same side of the cart she is on.

    And Aussie every single time asks me to buy something. I say no and he rolls his eyes and said, "do you always have to. Jave a coupon?" To which I calmly replied, "no I have to have a coupon AND it has to be on sale." Yah that didn't. Go over too well.

    (sorry on phone and for some reason can't correct all the "texting" errors.)

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  2. Chelle- Don't think I don't fight those battles, as well. We have our days when things go more smoothly than others... I've gotten to where the twins walk, Sisternator rides in the cart section, because keeping up with her is like herding ferrets, and of course, Quatro just rides. :) My FAVORITE carts are those with the big blue attached seats b/c everybody fits. I just feel like I need a running start and a CDL to drive it! :)

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  3. I don't have kids, but I do have an 8 year old little sister. My mom notoriously will tell her, "Maybe Next Time," if she asks for something that my mom has no plan in ever getting her. I have asked my mom MANY times not to say that, because my little sister WILL NOT FORGET those words and expects it "Next Time." She did the same to me when I was a kid, and I guess it still bothers me as an adult.

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